Comparing Los Angeles Chargers players to a Thanksgiving spread
By Tyler Schoon
Tis the season to stuff your face with food, and both the Bolts and the Thanksgiving meal are on my brain. Let’s put the two together!
Ahh, Thanksgiving. The great time of year where family and friends come together on the ultimate “cheat day” of the season. Even though you’ve eaten In-N-Out and Chick-fil-A the day before, you pretend you’ve been holding out all week for this meal.
I’ve been dreaming about this meal for a while now, but I can’t help but think of my Bolts at the same time. After all, they play at 1:30 Pacific Time, kicking off at the same time Mom, Grandma and the rest of the family are prepping for Thanksgiving dinner. So that got me thinking.
Which Thanksgiving foods are like the Chargers’ players, and vice versa?
Yea, I’m odd. But I have an answer:
The meat and cheese platter: Kellen Clemens, quarterback.
Some people have good meat and cheese platters, but for the most part, no one enjoys it. It’s typically on the cheap, more of a backup food option to the better, much more enjoyable turkey. It’s usually forgotten about, but if something happens to the turkey, at least you have this to fall back on. You just hope you never have to go to it.
The stuffing: Brandon Mebane, nose tackle
6’1″, 311 pounds. He stuffs the middle. Get it, stuffing?
The corn: Austin Ekeler, running back
Mmm, corn. Everyone utilizes it, but not necessarily in the same way. Sometimes, you can just shuck the corn and throw it on the grill. You can also bake it into corn pudding, or blend it up into a saucepan with other ingredients and call it cream of corn. Either way, its uses are unlimited.
Ekeler’s the same way. He averages 5.3 yards per carry, 9.4 yards per catch and has 13 combined special teams tackles. Utilize him well, and he’ll do wonders for your offensive spread.
Just like the corn will do for your Thanksgiving spread!
The turkey legs: Melvin Ingram and Joey Bosa, defensive ends
This is my favorite part of a Thanksgiving meal. Sometimes you have to wait a very, very long time to get those two legs. But once it comes out of the oven (or if you’re my family, the massive deep-fryer), it’s worth the wait. It always comes up big. There’s so much anticipation every year surrounding those two legs, and when they deliver, boy do they bring the flavor.
Melvin Ingram and Joey Bosa are just like that. Ingram took a while to fully develop and Bosa took some time to get onto the field. But aren’t you glad you waited?
The cranberry sauce: Keenan Allen, wide receiver
This one’s simple, it’s so darn sweet. But mix it up with the turkey breast? Now that’s a match made in heaven.
Keenan Allen’s got some sweet moves, as shown in his roughly three-quarter wallop of the Buffalo Bills to the line of 12 catches on 13 targets for 159 yards and two touchdowns. If you mix him up with the right stuff. But if Ingram and Bosa are the turkey legs, who’s the main turkey breast?
The turkey breast: Philip Rivers, quarterback
More from Bolt Beat
- LA Chargers: Drue Tranquill takes a jab at Gus Bradley’s defense
- LA Chargers second-year players: Nothing lose and a lot to gain
- LA Chargers: Why running back could be a big issue for the Bolts
- LA Chargers: Chris Rumph’s upside is Melvin Ingram-like, but better
- Chargers: Reggie Slater calls LA the “dream scenario” for Rashawn Slater
This is the main dish. The face of any Thanksgiving spread, and what brings the whole family together. Sometimes the turkey is dry, but when it’s good, it’s fantastic. The turkey breast is present at every Thanksgiving meal, never missing that holiday tradition.
You may have other favorite dishes, but in the end, that’s the main course that everything assembles around.
Rivers is that way. He rallies the team, and on his good days, he’s great. Occasionally, he hits dry spells, but he’s typically reliable. He never misses a game, and can always be counted on.
Green bean casserole: Hayes Pullard, linebacker
I strongly dislike green bean casserole. Why is it even out there? If you’ve been following the Chargers this year, you may have the same sentiments about Mr. Pullard.
Got any comparisons I didn’t think of? Do you serve any non-traditional Thanksgiving food at your dinner table? I’m in charge of making Vietnamese summer rolls this year, and they’re pretty darn good. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and try not to break any limbs playing your annual “Turkey Bowl”.