Melvin Gordon: The one factor no one has considered


Do the Chargers get collectively worse-looking (uglier) if Melvin Gordon is traded? It’s something the team should strongly consider.

Given the current state of affairs with Melvin Gordon, one can only recall a quote from Florida State Seminole track and baseball star Deion Sanders. He declared, “You look good, you feel good, you feel good, you play good, you play good, they pay good.” What did Mr. Sanders mean there? Could he be alluding to the idea that the better one dresses has a direct correlation to the amount of guaranteed money in their contracts? One can assume, sure, but what does he know about football?

Melvin Gordon regularly dresses like he is about to walk the runway for Tom Ford or Calvin Klein or some other rich person suit designer that plebeians know nothing about. Do people realize what that pre-game ritual has done for the team? The official Chargers twitter account is having head-to-head showdowns over who has the most drip (am I using that right?)! Casey Hayward is wearing loafers without socks, Melvin Ingram is wearing an $8,900 floral print romper looking thing, and rootin’ tootin’ and shootin’ Philip Rivers is wearing a bolo tie like he’s a doggone cowboy. Around these parts, that is considered high morale, partner.

So what is going to happen if he is traded? Is the whole team going to quit putting gel in their hair and start wearing blue jeans? The entire attractive curve will be thrown off without Gordon, and who wants to watch a bunch of ugly guys play football? If that’s what you’re interested in, go be a Raiders fan.

2018 was DRIP SZN. Who you got?! ?

— Los Angeles Chargers (@Chargers) January 30, 2019

Do people remember that picture of Gordon before the Week 1 game against the Denver Broncos? Let’s remind the fans, close those eyes and picture this: Dude has an exquisitely fitted blue suit, monk strap red-gradient shoes, a floral print black and white button-down with the tightest top button anyone has ever seen, and a red pocket square. Now open your eyes; are you smitten? Now think about that feeling next time you consider trading the Flash (short for flash-y dresser).

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Has anyone else bought one of Gordon’s personal branded T-shirts. It’s not like it’s the worst quality shirt in the history of screen-printing, but it now looks like Andre the Giant wore it after a few washes, with a bacon neck that would make Michael Jordan confront you on an airplane. One would think a guy with thousands of dollar bespoke suits would spring for the Gildan brand.