With today being Black Friday, I found it appropriate to list the bargain basement deals that the Bolts will be having on some of the players, or other team oriented gifts, that could indeed be “up for sale.”
This information is highly classified. These are the underground, only heard by certain individuals, deals and I have been given this list via an unnamed source.
Let’s take a look at these blockbuster offers:
In exchange for Robert Meachem the Chargers are asking for a box of kleenex, some extra strength ibuprofen, a VHS copy of Thelma and Louise, and to have their sticky towels returned to them.
The 31 other NFL teams have actually offered San Diego a pot made up of 24,000 Kit kats if they continue to start Jeromey Clary at right tackle for an undisclosed amount of time.
In exchange for a bag of Funyuns and an Orange Fanta, the Chargers are willing to keep Eric Weddle as the backup at every position while starting him at Free safety, punt returner, headhunter on kickoff coverage, and punter.
For the unbelievably low sum of $14.92, the Charger defensive coaching staff will continue to avoid telling Atari Bigby that hitting people is nowhere near as effective as actually tackling. Bigby has requested his own Funyuns and an Orange Fanta just to be fair. He’d also like to add a DiGiorno Bacon Cheeseburger pizza, an order of cheese breadsticks, 4 slim jims, 6 packs of tropical Skittles, a 3 pound tub of Red Vines licorice, and a broccoli and triple cheese quiche.
The first 5 customers will receive an autographed pin up calendar featuring “The months of Clipboard Jesus” starring Charlie Whitehurst. The calendar will also include the downable iTunes version of Whitehurst singing a duet with, his other carbon copy look alike, Barry Gibb. The song is a remake of a popular BeeGees song called “Staying Alive in the NFL while only holding a clipboard but looking incredibly good.”
And for all customers that participate, the team has guaranteed fans Chargers’ Blackout keychains. Although the keychains are a promotional offer they do cost $357.81 but also have an attached LED flashlight. Minimum of 8 per customer.
Thanks for checking out the San Diego Chargers Black Friday deals. Be sure to head out to Qualcomm/ Snapdragon/Jack Murphy stadium to do your part.
I had to have a little laugh to keep from crying. This has been a rough season and I feel as though I am subconsciously cushioning the blow for Sunday’s game against the Ravens. Although I’ve picked the Chargers to win, 24-23, I just needed to have a little fun at the expense of my favorite team.
Fact of the matter is that we matchup pretty well with Baltimore but I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
Thanks a lot for reading and I hope you brought your sense of humor along for this one.