Tuesday Hills Report

Since the Chargers don’t play on Monday night any time soon, I’m going to take Tuesdays to give my take on MTV’s “The Hills”.

Yes, I watch it.

My girlfriend has to watch it, thus I have to watch it. The show’s not that bad, really. It’s incredibly moronic, much like most of entertainment these days.

So, if you watch it, keep reading. If you watch something else at 10 pm on monday nights on the west coast, let me know what you’re watching.

Remember, this is a straight male’s impressions of the show.

LC: the show’s protagonist, at one point was lovable for a few reasons: she’s cute, she was empathetic because her friends were mean to her and because she went by the unique, self-proclaimed monaker of “LC”, which seemed cute in its own right.

But I’ve turned a new leaf on LC. I find her annoying. She gets into these situations where her friends are mean to her as a result of her own actions. LC makes her best friends choose between their boyfriends and her. That’s just not cool. Guys who function strictly under Tupac’s “bros before hoes” rule might see eye-to-eye with her, but at some point, you have to grow up and realize that few people fall in love with their best friend from their teenage years. And love is not something you should have to pit against your best friend. Unless you are Michael Vick and you have two dogs, one named “love” and the other “best friend”.

Heidi: At one point, this dye-job seemed a hatable witch, who graduated middle school with top mean-girl honors. But lately, I’ve come to appreciate her. Like all the characters of the show, she’s super-superficial, not intelligent and has no grasp of what some might call “the real world”, and i don’t mean the other MTV program. And supposedly she spread rumors about LC. But honestly, if you made a sex tape with that lamo from Laguna Beach, who could keep that a secret? And is the rumor spreading any worse than the tape itself?

Spencer: what a freaking loser. Who does this kid think he is? I saw him next to Seacrest, and supercheeze towered over Spencer. So that puts this guy at 5’4″? And does anyone else think he looks like Beavis? Especially with that blow-dried back blond fluff and his mouth always agape? Seriously, he looks like Beavis.

But this guy has endless money that he spends like it’s burning holes in his wallet. For what reason, I’m not sure. And his job? He’s an “agent”? Maybe I’ll buy that, but still, he’s an idiot, a jerk and tiny. Beavis with a napoleon complex, sooo hot!

Whitney: Although she has one of the spaciest gazes, and hardly ever responds with anything other than, “yeah, yeah.. oh my gosh, that’s terrible”–she does seem the most rationale of the group, so I guess she is the most likeable.

Last Night’s Episode:

I’m happy Heidi took the step of painting over Spencer’s paint job, although I also admired Spencer’s ability to get that tag on the living room wall. Too bad it was ugly. A better tag might have passed a cool girlfriend’s approval. I just wish I could have seen Heidi go to the paint shop to purchase the paint, that would have been enteraining. Although I’m sure MTV took care of that for her.

LC continues to be immature and fighting the thought of any friend/roommate having a boyfriend. This is growing to be annoying.

Audrina (where did this name come from?–was her mom an adult film star?) seems innocent, just really dumb. I see her getting annoyed with LC at some point, although it seems that next week she’ll get burned by Justin-Bobby and turn to LC for that sappy “you were so right about him” suppport.

Justin-Bobby is umm… what the hell is this guy? He’s obsessed with trying to look like Eddie Vedder, circa Ten. And his job/hobby/skill is…?

Things I wish we saw more of: the work life of these kids. I’d love to see them actually do anything other than “drama”.