2014 San Diego Chargers April Fools Mock Draft

Dec 29, 2013; San Diego, CA, USA; The San Diego Chargers girl cheerleaders perform during the Chargers game against the Kansas City Chiefs at Qualcomm Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Stan Liu-USA TODAY Sports
Let’s just point this out from the start this time. This is an April Fools mock draft! Let’s just to have a little bit of fun with April Fools on this mock.
Here is the 2014 April Fools Mock Draft:
Round 1: Leon Sandcastle. For some reason he went undrafted last season and that fool can run. I think he is still available through the draft. We need to get him on the roster so that he can play in the secondary. He would move this defense to the top of the league with his coverage skills and help out everyone else on the defense.
Round 2: Wade Phillips. Corner and nose tackle are huge needs for the team, but it all can be masked with a good defensive coordinator. For some reason, nobody has picked up Phillips to become their defensive coordinator and the Chargers are still running with John Pagano to run the show. Pick him up and burn the 2nd round pick to get him.
Round 3: Shawne Merriman on some steroids. If DeMarcus Ware is still in the league doing his thing, then Shawne Merriman still should be able to get off of the edge to terrorize quarterbacks… with steroids. How many games can we get out of him until he is caught?
Round 4: E.Honda. The Street Fighter dude. He has to be a good nose tackle for the team. Imagine the hand fighting with him up front. He could clog up the middle in a heart beat.
What are your suggestions for the Chargers draft?