The Commish Becomes ‘Captain Obvious’

Several news outlets, including ESPN.com, quoted NFL commissioner Roger Goodell calling rookie salaries “ridiculous.” Case in point being Jake Long’s $30 million guaranteed before the kids sips water on the sideline.

Ridiculous you say? No guff, Chet.

Draft day darlings have been getting increasingly inflated contracts since before Goodell rode into the commissioners office preaching a tougher stance on league-wide shenanigans. At this point stating the obvious does bring attention to a rising problem. In that vein, I would like to share with Mr. Goodell a few other issues the esteemed commish might not of noticed.

I give you… the Top 10 NFL Fun Facts Roger Goodell Might Not Be Aware Of.

10. Los Angeles, number two market in the country, is still without a NFL team.

9. Ocho Cinco is Spanish for ‘selfish malcontent’.

8. Touchdown celebrations are better than having players with personalities as dull as a Jeopardy! contestant.

7. Boston sports writers should be praised for being such apologist douchebags during Spygate, the ineptitude of the commissioners office was gleefully overlooked.

6. Bringing the NFL to place where soccer is in fact called football, taking away a home game from a city where they actually call it football in favor of some sort of sustained global takeover march through London is, in a word, redunkulous.

5. Owners still charge full price for tickets during the preseason despite star players in the game a fraction of the time. Beer is full price, too. Dammit.

4. Every Super Bowl halftime show since 1983 has sucked.

3. Houston Oilers sounded a helluva lot cooler than Tennessee Titans. What the hell is that logo, anyway? Is it a pointy ‘T’ or some kind of upside-down middle finger?

2. The Pro Bowl is pointless.

1. Monday Night Football on ESPN is easily the worst coverage of the National Football League, ever.