Jake Roth-US PRESSWIRE

What a wonderful job Charlie Whitehurst has.

The only time that Charlie will see playing time is if Philip Rivers‘ arm falls off or if the team has a HUGE lead. Based off of the meltdown against the Denver Broncos, no lead is safe. So Charlie will never get in to play.

If Philip plays well, Charlie gets to hold a clipboard and gets paid to watch football games from the sideline. He looks very official with his uniform, headphones and clipboard. His hair stays perfect and untouched during the whole game. The work day consists of a few hair flips here and there and his day is done.

If Philip plays awful, Charlie becomes the most popular guy in town. People start chirping his name, hoping that he could right the ship. Fans have amnesia about his playing days in Seattle and think that he is the saviour. That is part of the mystique of being number two.

Even though Charlie looks like the savior, he is not going to put any lipstick on this pig. This is Philip’s ship from beginning to end. It will be up to Philip to make things good again.

Charlie can do no wrong.

July 26, 2012; San Diego, CA, USA; San Diego Chargers quarterback Jarrett Lee sits on the sideline with his left knee wrapped after coming out of practice during training camp at Charger Park. Mandatory Credit: Jake Roth-US PRESSWIRE

Charlie Whitehurst was hit during practice and had to spend the rest of the day sitting next to Nick Novak‘s pisser. That is not where you want to see the backup quarterback on the first day of training camp. He busted his knee so bad that the Chargers needed to compile a list of veteran quarterbacks for possible replacements.

The list seems really simple to me:

Billy Volek!

Just bring back Billy! Even if Whitehurst is able to come back, the Chargers still should bring back Volek. He knows Norv’s system and he has proven that he can lead the team in a big game. A number of teams have Volek’s number just in case an emergency, but we should take him off the wire and into our locker room.

The list of veteran free agent quarterbacks available is awful. Here is a quick compilation of possibilities:

Kyle Boller
Jake Delhomme
A.J. Feeley
Jeff Garcia
J.P. Losman
Donovan McNabb
Kevin O’Connell
Chad Pennington

That is a list of has-beens and nobodies!

Maybe, the Chargers should just give the Browns a call and see what it would cost for Colt McCoy. Around draft time, it was reported that he was on the trading block and it would not cost much to get him. Tim Tebow anybody?

July 26, 2012; San Diego, CA, USA; San Diego Chargers quarterback Charlie Whitehurst (6) kneels on the ground after injuring himself during training camp at Charger Park. Mandatory Credit: Jake Roth-US PRESSWIRE

Eric P. Mull-US PRESSWIRE

I have a theory and I am pretty sure it is WRONG, but I had to share it with you all anyway. I have heard others mention this also, so I can’t claim to be the only one to have this theory. You ready?

The San Diego Chargers missed out on the playoffs the last couple of seasons because Charlie Whitehurst aka Clipboard Jesus was traded away!

Do I even need to explain myself on that one? …I almost ended the post right there, but felt I had to add more to this ludicrous thought

POINT #1: It is Clipboard Jesus!!!!

First off, look at the wig! Quarterbacks with CRAZY awesome hair help teams to the playoffs! Look at the ridiculousness that Tom Brady has in his head right now. Is that a sidewards mo-hawk? And his wife is a super model? Our quarterbacks hair is definitely better than his!

Andy Dalton with his CHEETO hair! That got the Bengals in the playoffs!

You know what good hair means??? PLAYOFFS!

Second point.. He holds the clipboard. Nobody on the roster can hold it at the perfect angle and height that he does and nobody else wanted to. He does it and he likes it!

Every successful team needs a big ol’ cheerleader off of the bench that only sees playing time when we are destroying the other teams. My favorite basketball team, the Chicago Bulls (sorry Lake Show fans), has Brian Scalabrine! Your Lakers used to have Luke Walton. Our Bolts,  Clipboard Jesus!

This post is going nowhere real fast, so I better wrap it up.

The Chargers went 9-7 and finished in third place in  the AFC West in 2005. Whitehurst joined the Chargers the following season and the Bolts responded with a 14-2 record. Since that time, we have only missed out on the playoffs when Whitehurst was playing on another team.

Coincidence? I think not!