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Man Rules

 

Let me start by saying that my mom was a huge football fan.  My sister is as well.  My sister used to play football with all of my friends and me.  My wife knows more about the Chargers than some of our readers.

Why did I feel it necessary to bring all that up?  Because the re-printing of this email is in no way, shape, or form a slight to women that are football fans.  It is also not intended to offend women that are not football fans.

I received this email while working at a bank in Walla Walla, Washington.  Sorry Keith.  I learned a ton from you as a boss and I miss having the occasional beer with you.  You’re not going to read this anyway.

Without further ado, I give you the Man Rules.
The Man Rulesュュュュュュュュュュュュュュュュュュュ At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys’ side of the story.

We always hear
the rules’ from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered ’1 ‘ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports it’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If You Want Help Solving It. That’s What We Do.
Sympathy Is What Your Girlfriends Are For.

1. Anything We Said 6 Months Ago Is Inadmissible In An Argument.
In Fact, All Comments Become Null And Void After 7 Days.

1. If You Think You’re Fat, You Probably Are.
Don’t Ask Us.

1. If Something We Said Can Be Interpreted Two Ways And One Of The Ways Makes You Sad Or Angry, We Meant The Other One.

1. You Can Either Ask Us to Do Something
Or Tell Us How You Want It Done.
Not Both.
If You Already Know Best How To Do It, Just Do It Yourself.

1. Whenever Possible, Please Say Whatever You Have To Say During Commercials…

1. Christopher Columbus Did Not Need Directions And Neither Do We.

1 All Men See In Only 16 Colours, Like Windows Default Settings.
Peach, For Example, Is A Fruit, Not A Colour. Pumpkin Is Also A Fruit. We Have No Idea What Mauve Is.

1. If It Itches, It Will Be Scratched.
We Do That.

1. If We Ask What Is Wrong And You Say ‘Nothing,’ We Will Act Like Nothing’s Wrong.
We Know You Are Lying, But It Is Just Not Worth The Hassle.

1. If You Ask A Question You Don’t Want An Answer To, Expect An Answer You Don’t Want To Hear.

1. When We Have To Go Somewhere, Absolutely Anything You Wear Is Fine… Really.

1. Don’t Ask Us What We’re Thinking About Unless You Are Prepared To Discuss Such Topics As Sports,Tools, Hunting,Fishing, Cars,
Or Golf..

1. You Have Enough Clothes.

1. You Have Too Many Shoes.   

1. I Am In Shape. Round Is A Shape!

1. Thank You for Reading This.
Yes, I Know, I Have To Sleep On the Couch Tonight;

But Did You Know Men Really Don’t Mind That? It’s Like Camping.

Pass This To As Many Men As You Can -
To Give Them A Laugh.

Pass This To As Many Women As You Can -
To Give Them A Bigger Laugh.

 

Although I agree with almost every single one of these, I did not come up with this list.  Furthermore, I own more pairs of shoes than my wife.  Don’t judge me!!

And the last part about “pass this to as many women as you can to get a bigger laugh,” I expect that a very select few women will be offended by the article. It goes without saying that me bringing up the fact that they will be offended will offend them even further.  :)

I truly do not mean to offend anyone with this posting.

 

Hope you got a laugh out of it and thanks a lot for reading.

 

BoltUp!!!

 

BoogaP

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